Small pleasures

Something funny on language and ecology

Hope you like this from Speculative Grammarian.

Linguistic poems from the SpecGram

I hope you enjoy these poems as much as I have.
http://specgram.com/earlyedition/vday12.html

Homesickness

I do not know if it is the full moon or something but I feel terribly homesick today. Anyway, I was listening to this song in my sorrow and wanted to share this beautiful piece. I hope you like it.

A Used-to-be in Need of Sunshine Person by Wuthiphong (Hai) Laoriandee

[Beril--Our guest blogger this time is Wuthiphong Laoriandee. As I was reading what Hai had written about his teaching experience as a first year graduate student, I went back to the first day of teaching when I was a first year graduate student. (I cannot believe it was more than four years ago. Why oh why we always remember those bad memories so vividly and forget about the good ones so easily). Ah that first day was awful. I had never taught before and I had a terrible stage fright (made me wonder maybe I chose the wrong profession :-). I kind of felt sorry for my students, but more so for myself. It was a rainy day and I had gotten wet before I went to my classroom. No, I did not have my umbrella. I did not think it would rain in August for some reason. My lovely shoes that I had so carefully chosen for that day was all wet. Not having prior teaching experience and the terrifying idea of teaching Americans how to write, when I did not have confidence in my own writing, combined with all the physical symptoms of public speech anxiety made it a terrifying experience. That day I realized that high heels and trembling knees do not quite go well together ^_^, a lesson I seem to keep forgetting by the way. That day, as I was going over the syllabus with my students, I was pretty sure that I was going to faint. My voice as well as my hands holding the syllabus were shaking and I was not sure if it was because I was wet and cold or because I was so nervous, probably the latter. Physically I was feeling so bad that I had to sit down, something I almost never do when I teach. Actually just writing about this experience brings back the symptoms. My knees feel weak, I think I need something sweet ^_^  
That year I was a full time teacher and a part time graduate student, which was supposed to be the other way around. All my time and energy went to teaching and I could not really enjoy my first year of grad school as much as I wanted to. I guess I was lucky that I was using a different syllabus approach than Hai, which did not require learning all this terminology and cultural references. Fortunately, teaching got not only easier but also enjoyable after the first year. Needless to say, my self doubts about teaching these American students vanished when I read their first assignments. I have to say though I enjoy teaching international students much more. Anyway both Hai and I found our grad school legs eventually. Thank you very much Hai for sharing your experience with us. Now, I leave the stage to Hai.]
 

A Used-to-be in Need of Sunshine Person by Wuthiphong (Hai) Laoriandee

“The only happy time in my life now is when I’m in bed.” My status on Facebook about two years back might sum up how I felt toward my life during the first year at Purdue.

Little Prince and the fox

Today was a normal day, nothing special happened, nothing extraordinary was said or done. This would have been a lost day but it was not meant to be. It was late and I was reading a student paper. It was a regular student paper but then I read these lines "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need for you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I an nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you I shall be unique in all the word"
I cannot tell you how delighted I am to see one of my favorite books cited in a student paper. I cannot even remember the last time I read this book. I felt like I had ran into a good old friend after a very long time, a friend that I had missed so very much that...I don't know what really but you got the picture, let's just say that I was a little shaken. So I decided to share the chapter from the book with you hoping that it will make your day too. Hope you enjoy it.
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," Beril repeated, so that she would be sure to remember. "It is the time I have wasted for my rose--"said Beril, so that she would be sure to remember.

Long Story Short by Engin Arik PhD.

[This time our guest blogger is none other than my dear dear husband, who, of course, completed his Ph.D. already. In addition to being the most wonderful husband, Engin is the person I admire the most in the whole world. It would be a long list if I explained all the reasons why, but, for our purposes, one reason would suffice: He gets things done very efficiently and makes it look easy, for God's sake. How can I not admire him, when I have to complain about what I have to do at least three times before I complete the task and I need people I respect believe in me (or what I do too)? I know, I know, too much to ask for. But I lose all my enthusiasm when I think what I do does not mean anything to people I respect and care about. I am well aware that this is a serious mental illness, I should be cured from ASAP to survive in life. Actually, this painful illness should definitely be included in DSM, if it is not already. Engin, on the other hand, can get anything done on his own without complaining if he puts his mind into it even if it means getting things done in spite of people. I am amazed how he does that. The funny thing is when I ask him how, he cannot quite articulate the process for me--just like any real expert would have difficulty explaining something to a novice. I call what he does "Just do it" strategy ^_^

When I asked him if he would like to write something for my blog, he demanded a written request, which I responded as "As you wish your highness, your demand is my command." We had a big laugh about the very formal email exchange between him and me about the blog entry. Engin's blog entry is partly about his advisor. I agree that advisor-advisee relationship is a VERY complicated one. I'm still trying to figure out how this relationship should be like, how formal and close it should be, what am I supposed to do, what should I expect and not expect. So don't look at me for answers. I'm afraid by the time I figure it out, I will be an academic advisor myself for ten years ^_^. Anyway, knowing Engin's travails personally, I can only admire him more for surviving what would have been a devastating experience for me. Hearing all kinds of horror stories about advisors from people I know, I wish academic advisors thought a little more about the consequences of their actions for their advisees. Well, I guess it is difficult to do since there is no consequence for being a terrible advisor, at least, I have never heard anything happening to any advisor for not doing their job right. For the most part, I feel fortunate myself. However, I do not think many academic advisors take their responsibilities seriously, if not abuse their power. Despite his not-so-easy relationship with his advisor, Engin has been an amazing academic advisor to me. So much so that I sometimes call him my personal advisor. Lucky me! The funny thing is the last time I called him my personal advisor, he looked at me with a smile and said "Personal advisor or personal assistant? :-P--Beril]

Long Story Short by Engin Arik PhD.


Dear Beril, thank you very much for this opportunity. I received my PhD in (interdisciplinary) linguistics from Purdue in 2009. Luckily, I was on a dissertation fellowship in my final year so I had a chance to concentrate only on my dissertation. That being said, I was unlucky because of the economic depression still hitting the US. There were some job announcements being retracted that year. Anyways, now I find myself back my home country, Turkey, since I got an assistant professor position here in Istanbul.

During my graduate study, I had developed this relatively difficult relationship with my advisor as everybody does. I was so lucky to have plenty of funding and guidance in my academic writing because of my advisor. I'd admit she was a good editor. That being said, she was too busy because she was and still is the head of an interdisciplinary program, very active in research and grant writing, and so on. She had limited time to spare with young researchers. Anyways, I took this as an opportunity and then developed independent ideas, submitted my works to international conferences to get some additional feedback, and, fortunately or unfortunately, attempted to publish my work by myself. Gradually, I started having decent publications by myself. I always thought it would be easier if my adviser spent a little more time with me to ease this publication process.

Life does not wait for anyone by Crissy McMartin-Miller

[Here is another narrative about grad school! Ah, I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I do. When I asked Crissy for her reflections on grad school she kindly accepted to write a piece for my blog on top of all the tasks she is juggling and I'm truly grateful. One of the reasons why I asked Crissy was because I admire her commitment to her family and the fact that she finds a balance between graduate school and her son. I don't know how she manages to do that and look great and put on a smile too. It's amazing to me! I guess my ulterior motive was to figure out how she did all this. I really think the real heroes of grad school are academics with kids, graduate students like Crissy and Kyle. I personally did not have the right courage, time, money combination to have kids yet, not to mention that I am away from my husband for the time being. I still have hope though thanks to these heroes like Crissy.

PS. By the way, the second group of heroes of grad school are people in long distance relationships, well in my case a long distance marriage. How arrogant of me, sorry I simply could not resist the temptation ^_^ --Beril]  

Life does not wait for anyone by Crissy McMartin-Miller

When I look back on my pursuit of a PhD, the following scene is what I’ll recall:

On the eve of a new semester, I retreated to my home office to put the finishing touches on my course website. My husband was in the kitchen, cleaning up with our three-year-old son.

Kyu had been told by husband to leave me alone, so he was silent when he slipped away. First, he sat outside the door, gently scratching the wood. Then, he started whispering “Mama” through the crack at the bottom. Next, he picked up his accordion. When I continued to (try to) ignore him, he moved on to a slide whistle.

Where to begin? Money? Time? Autonomy? Community? by Veronica Jayne

[Ah, I cannot tell you how delighted I feel each time another friend emails me a personal narrative about graduate school. It makes me wonder why on earth have I not thought of asking my colleagues/friends before. After all, misery loves company ^_^. Anyway, our guest blogger today is my dear roommate, Veronica, so her remarks about the furniture applies to me as well. When I read Veronica's essay, I thought, "She is absolutely right. Just like her, what keeps me going is my stubbornness." That's it. When you are in grad school you invest in your study so much that, by the time you question your decision about an academic career it seems much more reasonable just to keep going. In my case, I have been away from my husband, who is in Turkey, for more than a year and giving up grad school would mean all this longing would be for nothing. Now, I cannot have that, can I? I should at least have a diploma to show for my suffering, don't you think ^_^?  Well, joking aside, despite the hardships I do like being a grad student for reasons similar to Veronica's. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to miss my days as a grad student when I graduate. You might be thinking, you're going to miss it just because what is yet to come is much worse ^_^. I guess I will see it for myself soon enough. Being a real romantic in spirit, for the time being I will laugh at the prospect of danger and more suffering the future has in store for me. The challenge is much more exhilarating than any easy victory. But I have to admit, the pragmatist in me nags me about the financial aspect of grad school now and then, especially when I see my non-academic friends buy new houses and cars and acquire all kinds of property. Then I ask myself, "Would those possessions make you happy?" and I immediately know the answer "No way!" Haha, thinking about it this answer might very well be a defense mechanism. I'm sure there is a fancy name for it too. Oh well, now I leave you with Veronica's insightful reflections. Beril]

Where to begin?  Money? Time? Autonomy? Community? by Veronica Jayne

I realize we are supposed to write about grad SCHOOL for this essay,
but education, research and teaching are not the first things I think
about when asked about my experience as a grad student.

I would be lying if claimed that my financial situation was not a
constant burr in my side as a grad student.  Between my master and
doctoral degrees, I have been financially hobbled nearly my entire
adult life.  Which has suited me fine on most days. I have grown into
a lifestyle that reflects the small stipend I receive 9 months out of
the year.  Of course, I have no children, no mortgage, no car loan,
and every piece of furniture in my apartment is a hand-me-down.
Looking to the future, however, I also have very little money saved
for my wedding, and I still have debt that I incurred over 7 years ago
as an undergraduate...  And I believe I will be underemployed after
completing my doctorate.

Reflections by Elena Lawrick Ph.D.

[One of the great things about being a graduate student is the friendships you make along the way. It is true that, as you approach your graduation you see your friends move on one by one. These are the people who share your travails, offer you their shoulders when you want to cry and celebrate your little victories with you, and of course, you feel happy for them--and maybe a little sorry for yourself knowing that life is not going to be the same without them around. 
Anyway, it's no use getting sentimental now, this narrative is from a dear friend that completed her Ph.D, though I'm sure we will always be there for each other wherever we end up. I cannot thank Elena enough for her support and encouragement over the years. When I asked her for her reflections about graduate student to be posted here, she again did not turn me down and she kindly accepted to be a guest writer for my blog. Thank you very much Elena! You give us all, who are still struggling to get our degrees, hope, the hope that it can be done.]

Elena Lawrick, Ph.D.

Reflecting on my experiences as a doctoral student, I’ve come to appreciate the interconnectedness between reading, thinking, and writing. Even before the grad school, I was aware that reading and writing are sine qua nons of a scholarly career. But I come from an academic culture which emphasizes learning from reading the major works in the discipline. In that academic culture writing is perceived as an assessment tool (i.e., a written artifact providing a proof that one has read a significant number of “important” books to justify her/his academic status), rather than a “thinking” tool (i.e., a process by which one’s own understanding evolves). Therefore, for me, coming to grips with this difference was an initial challenge. I don’t think I even became conscious of this difference during my first two semesters. I clearly remember the feeling of complete sensory deprivation I experienced when writing my first three term papers. It felt like walking through pitch-black darkness. “What is the right format? How can I fill in those 20 pages? There is no way I can meet the deadline…” These are only some of the fearful thoughts rushing through my mind. The concern that “I don’t sound ‘smart’ enough” was the worst. At that point, I did not feel whatsoever that my knowledge and thinking are evolving through the papers I was working on. But it was, of course. I just wasn’t aware of it yet. Slowly but surely, the initial fears and concerns grew into a more conscientious process of engaging with reading and then writing and then more thinking and more writing. Have I eventually come to appreciate the “thinking through writing” process?  I have, sometime by the end of my third semester into the studies.

A horror story

I read this horror story about a graduate student defense. It is scary so don't tell me I did not warn you if you freak out as I did. It made me wonder, what am I going to do if I fail my prospectus defense?

A Few Words about Graduate School by Xun Yan

[Ah, I'm very excited that one more graduate student narrative has arrived. I'm so happy to share them with you. I don't know about you, but as I read these narratives, I remember my own experiences. Ah, all those bittersweet memories rush into my head leaving me restless and exhausted, somewhere between laughter and tears. I want to write my own narrative soon too, which might end up being traumatic and therapeutic all at the same time. If you would like to share your experiences please contact me at btezelle@purdue.edu. And if you want to read more narratives you can click on the label 'Letters from the Edge of Chaos' to read more of them. I for one cannot wait to read the next narrative.
Thank you very much for sharing, Xun. If it is any consolation, you are not alone in feeling the way you do. It seems to me that each year at graduate school comes with its own frustrations and rewards. I imagine the stress continues beyond graduate study, probably more intensely since the stakes are much higher. After reading these narratives, I'm kind of beginning to think that we need a support group, something like SLSESLGSSG (standing for Second Language Studies/English as a Second Language Graduate Student Support Group. Ha ha, I do not see that catching on any time soon. But hey, why are you laughing at linguistics and applied linguistics are full of abbreviations, why not SLSESLGSSG ^_^? Besides you can have a laugh or two trying to pronounce this as a word or you can play scrabble with these letters.) Joking aside, I really think The Edge of Chaos fits perfectly, but maybe that's just me. Anyway, without further ado, I leave you with Xun's narrative. The next can be you.]

A Few Words about Graduate School

Thanks to Beril, I’ve finally been pushed—after several failed voluntary attempts during the holidays—to reflect on my postgraduate life. Not that I want to write a novel or something, but I want to share some of my own stories and personal opinions on how to live (survive is too pessimistic) graduate school. This blog entry, I would say, is more suited for ESLers than graduate students from elsewhere; or only ESLers at Purdue may find it somewhat useful.

Confessions of a Recovering ABD By Kyle McIntosh

[Today, I checked my mailbox and saw many emails from our first year composition program for the teaching assistants like me, reminding me the semester is about to start. Am I ready for a new semester? Well, not really, but ready or not, it is around the corner. But I'm digressing as usual. In my bombarded mailbox, I saw one of the emails I had been anxiously waiting for, an email from Kyle with his reflections about being a graduate student. He is one of the people that graciously accepted to be a guest writer for my blog. Thank you very much Kyle! Without further delay I leave you with his confessions.
PS. If you are interested in sharing your stories, please contact me at btezelle@purdue.edu and please check the recent two posts, one by Josh and one about my little project, which I like to call Letters From the Edge of Chaos.]

Confessions of a Recovering ABD By Kyle McIntosh

As I near the end of my life as a graduate student, I find myself repeating the sagely advice given by Rob Schneider’s character in the much maligned Adam Sandler comedy The Waterboy: “You can do it!” Somehow, this simple mantra provides me with just the right mix of positive thinking and total absurdity that I need to get through another day of putting off my dissertation for another day. I mean, think about it: the future depends on me producing a few hundred pages that no one aside from my four committee members will probably ever read (or want to read) in its entirety. Yet, fail to complete this near-Herculean task and my journey ends with nothing to show for it other than a vast knowledge of one of the more obscure aspects of my field and a peptic ulcer. So, if I’m going to ruin both body and mind regardless, I might as well have a piece of paper that validates my suffering.

The Keys to the (Graduate) Kingdom By Joshua M. Paiz

Here is the first of, I hope, many narratives to come. My special thanks go to Josh for being the first brave contributor to my little personal project.

Hello, my name is Joshua Paiz, a doctoral student in second language studies at Purdue University. Before starting on my Ph.D. at Purdue, I was an undergraduate and then graduate student at the University of Toledo (UT) in Toledo, Ohio—located a mere fifty miles from my hometown of Sandusky, Ohio (home to Cedar Point Amusement Park: America’s Roller Coast). So, moving to West Lafayette, Indiana has been…interesting. Needless to say, it’s grown on me. I’ve gone from trying very hard to cling to my identity as a UT Rocket to beginning to accept my new identity as a graduate scholar-in-training and as a Purdue Boilermaker. During that transition—as with my transition from retail management to graduate studies at my MA institution—there have been a few keys that have helped to open the door to effective and, at times, exciting graduate studies. Since Beril asked me to write something for her, I will humbly share those keys with you in the following paragraphs/pages/screens—what have you.

From Monologues to Dialogues

Hi there,
It has been a long time since the last time I published something on my blog. It's a long story but I'm back. I started writing for this blog because I sometimes feel lonely and just need to share my experiences. I consider my blog as my imaginary friend, her name is Sophia if you must know ^_^. She certainly kept me going for the last two years we have been together but I also owe a lot to my comrades who go through the same or similar experiences with me in my program. That's why I decided to ask them if they would be interested in writing something for this blog and share their experiences with me and others. After all, we are all in the same boat. Besides it pains me that what we learn about being a graduate student or academic gets lost in time. I wanted to document this fleeing knowledge, a knowledge perhaps different in kind and degree but important knowledge nevertheless.
Another inspiration for this idea was my recent reading of literacy narratives of some scholars, Casanave and Vandrick's (2003) Writing for Scholarly Publications: Behind the Scenes in Language Education, Belcher and Connor's (2001) Reflections on Multiliterate Lives, and Casanave's Writing Games: Multicultural Case Studies of Academic Literacy Practices in Higher Education in addition to some articles. I have to say among all these articles and chapters I read Canagarajah and Pavlenko's chapters are the ones that inspired me the most. I hope you read their stories too but now it is time for me to leave the stage to my friends and colleagues. I asked a couple of them and some of them kindly accepted to write. I just want to express my sincerest gratitude for their generosity. I hope you will find their stories engaging and helpful.
PS. If you are interested in sharing your stories, please contact me at btezelle@purdue.edu

I'm listening

Can we download our brains?

I do not know if you will be relieved or disappointed to hear the answer but check this out!

Wittgenstein

"Something that we know when no one asks us, but no longer know when we are supposed to give an account of it, is something that we need to remind ourselves of. (And it is obviously something of which for some reason it is is difficult to remind oneself)" (Philosophical Investigations # 89)

"These are, of course, not empirical problems, they are solved, rather, by looking into the workings of our language, and that in such a way as to make us recognize those workings: in despite of an urge to misunderstand them. The problems are solved, not by giving new information, but by arranging what we have always known. Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language" (#109)

from Berlin's The roots of Romanticism

"What occurred was a kind of retreat in depth. It sometimes happens in human history--though parallels may be dangerous--that when the natural road towards human fulfillment is blocked, human beings retreat into themselves, become involved in themselves, and try to create inwardly that world which some evil fate has denied them externally" (p. 37).

"You gradually hedge yourself round with a kind of tight wall by which you seek to reduce your vulnerable surface--you want to be as little wounded as possible. Every kind of wound has been heaped upon you, and therefore you wish to contract yourself into the smallest possible area, so that as little of you as possible is exposed to further wounds" (p. 37). 

a poem by Shira Lipkin

Here